What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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