His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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