If that was your dad, he is hot
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
