He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
