Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
