Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
