obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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