At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
