did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
