I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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