in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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