I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
