I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
These tits shall not be calmed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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