my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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