Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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