I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
