I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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