and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
