oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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