ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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