Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
