just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
