just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
