I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
