Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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