so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
