All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
