Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
