I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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