my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
