my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
