it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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