If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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