There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
