i just made my gag reflex go away.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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