Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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