do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
