Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
