You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
