I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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