before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
