Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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