3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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