oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
