I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
ok first of all what the fuck
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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