There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
