woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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