Will you blow on my dice?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
