I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
