i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
