so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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