You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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