U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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