I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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