I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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