bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
