if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
