they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
