so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize