Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
