You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
