After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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