What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
