Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
