New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
