Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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