sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just invented taco cereal.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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