I'm laying in your front yard are you home
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
