I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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