I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
