dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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