Plan B is the new Plan A
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
