I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
