I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
