no. you can't hotbox the world.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
