I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
