I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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