There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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