Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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