I wanna bring you to show and tell
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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