about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
